This Is Scary

3 Oct


5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I’m going to start writing again, it’s scary because it has been so long since I’ve done it, I’m afraid of not being relevant, viral, interesting… Why should I write anyway? Does the world need more writers? I guess so, but me? I used to thrive and now I feel afraid of not being read, what I mean is this; I want people to read what I write and have an effect in them, kind of like I used to, way back in college. Now that I’m doing it again I just want to start by letting my mind go, and not think about anything but what I’m thinking. Does it make any sense? I guess.

The last thing I wrote that came out of my head was a poem about a banana, I loved it, I liked what I felt when I wrote it, You know what else I wrote? A short story, it took 2 years to be finished, but  I did it, I think this time I’m going to continue with whatever is in my head, no projects, no deadlines, just me and my head.

I like to think that writing keeps me sane, I feel liberated by writing this… My head hurts because I’m overthinking right now, I want to say the right words but I can’t, I want to be interesting and keep you reading and asking for more. I think I might get better later on, I’m jut blabbering right now, going over a lot of things at the same time, looking at the pile of dishes in the sink going “I really have to get up and do something”, it’s like I really don’t have time for everything, I might do a schedule (schedule is a pretty word, don’t you think?) because I want to keep practicing, I also want to practice my hand lettering! I told myself that I would do the inktober version of hand lettering, it’s day 3 and I haven’t done anything about it. I’m a joke…

And this is it, the day that I started to write again.




1 Dec

I had a banana,

it was yellow,

it was ripe.


I was on my way to school

walking like I always do

through the path I always take.


I dropped my banana,

it was the best.

My yellow banana

you will be missed.


(Until I eat another one)

We all have to wait

29 Jun

We all have to wait

By: Laura Daniela Montes Guerrero

I woke up as usual, I had my coffee; my house had a big window where I could see the morning commute build up as time passed by, traffic everywhere, pedestrians running to work, others just waltzed by. I had my last sip of coffee and took a shower.

I had been missing my old life, I moved to this place because I needed something that would thrill me, living alone far away from mother would do just that, and so I came here. At first it was awesome having all the freedom to do whatever I wanted (forgetting about responsibilities of course) now I want out.  This is what I wanted, why would I change it? You know how certain events in your life change you radically, well that happened to me, making that event the biggest reason of why I want out.

It was lunch time, I had a bad start in the morning and I wanted to distract a bit, I smiled as usual on my way out and headed to the diner across the street, lunch time was my happy hour.

– Good afternoon Daisy! I’ll have the usual thank you.-

Daisy looked at me quite strangely, I can say that she was the only person in the city that knew me well, I really appreciated it.

– What’s wrong? – I asked.

– Your usual will be changed a bit… – She said, looking towards my usual eating spot (the usual eating spot: a place where I eat every day, rain or shine, and which everyone who eats there every day like me knows I like very much.)

– Who’s that guy? – I curiously asked. Daisy knew everyone and every story involved with whoever frequented the diner, and as usual she spilled the beans.

– So he’s just here for the weekend, I think I can eat somewhere else… I could use a change of view.-  I so happened to end up sitting in front of the guy.

When you are used to something you kind of end up wanting everything you do, see and touch frequently, now somehow I thought it would be okay to change my routine, even if it was just to eat in another table.  So there I go, my routine self, sitting, trying to get comfortable, Daisy served my food, and I began to feel very anxious, I looked at this man, enjoying lunch, in my seat! I needed to go there.

– Excuse me, I believe you are in my seat…- My stupid face grinning.

– I’m sorry, I didn’t know this place made reservations- The guy said mocking me.

– They don’t, but I sit here every day, and I would like to keep it that way. – I felt lucky enough, he might change places.

– I’m sorry, I believe that your argument is irrelevant, this is just a seat. – He answered to my demand.

His reply bothered me a lot, he didn’t know me at all, and yet he was trying to ruin my lunch break! As if my day wasn’t going bad enough.

– I don’t think I made myself clear… let me explain once more…-

– No, I don’t know you and if you don’t get out of my face now I will ask the waitress for security. – He said, interrupting me.

I was in shock, I walked away, embarrassed, the whole diner witnessed the fit.

– I’m sorry to have bothered you…- I walked back to my seat embarrassed.

My lunch went horribly as the rest of the day did too, I felt ashamed of my conduct, I never thought something as insignificant as a chair and table would make me become a 3 year old.  As I headed to the exit at the end of the day’s work, I saw the man across the street; I knew I had to apologize, so I went towards him.

– Excuse me, sir, I’m so sorry about what happened in the diner, I was rude and selfish… that is not the way I would treat a visitor… –

– Visitor? Why would you think I’m just visiting? – He interrupted my apology. I blushed, Daisy had told me before just to fill in my curiosity, what if she was wrong?

– I heard the waitress talking about a visitor in the diner, and since I’ve never seen you, I figured it was you. – It was better than saying something stupid.

He just stared, I felt uncomfortable, and just started to walk towards my house.

– Have a good evening. – I said.

– Wait…- He said. And of course I stopped; I wouldn’t want to be rude again.

– My name is Isaiah; I think I will consider your apology as a clean start. – He stretched his hand.

– Christine… nice to meet you. Does this mean that I don’t have to feel miserable for the rest of the night and sleep in peace? – I kindly shook his hand, I didn’t trust him, what if he was on to something bad? I’ve never seen him around, would he be a psycho?

– Sure! – He laughed. – I’m new in town, I’m not visiting. I started working for the newspaper that’s next to the “Enquirer”. I don’t know anyone here; I think that our ungrateful encounter in the afternoon was no mistake. –

– Well, life does give us surprises and lessons…- I grinned.

What was I saying? I had to be home, but there I was, having a polite conversation with a suspicious man

– Do you live close by? – He asked.

– We could walk together, my apartment is close by. – He politely suggested.

I didn’t want to be rude again, I still felt very guilty, and at that point of our conversation I started to feel he wasn’t a bad guy after all.

I was counting the steps; I really wanted to get home.

– What do you do for a living? – He asked.

– I’m an editor for the “Enquirer”… –

– That sounds nice, where are you from originally? – He continued the questioning.

– Somewhere south of the border, and you? What brings you to my part of town? – I asked to draw the spotlight away from me.

– Besides work, nothing special, I have no family nearby, photography is what I do so I must look for things to capture… –

I blushed at my questioning since he had told me this before, although he just stated that he was working only.

– I wanted that job for quite some time, ever since I started living here. – He continued.

– So you were already living here? – So much for my informer at the diner…

– Yes, but I lived on the other side of the city, that’s why I was at the diner that day, I didn’t know people around this part of town knew about your routines. – He giggled.

I felt embarrassed by the comment yet it was funny.

– Is your line of job stable? I mean, well… – I hesitated.

– You mean if it pays well… well I tend to come and go, it’s not very stable, I have to look for a job to do. It’s complicated; I’ll tell you later in the week-

What! “I’ll tell you later in the week”?

– Um, later in the week? –  I repeated as if I was playing a childish game of copycat.

– Yeah, I’ll see you at the diner, same hour. – He smiled as he finished his firm sentence.

– Don’t worry about your seat, I realized just now why you fought for it, the view is incredible, if I took pictures from that spot I could make a few bucks selling them… –

We finally arrived to the front of my complex, I obviously did not ask him to come up for coffee, I said goodbye and ran up the stairs closed the door and thus finishing my daily routine… no, wait, my day.

I woke up as usual, and as I was having my morning coffee I started to think about what had happened the day before, I barely remembered, it just went by so fast. I was ready to leave and as I walked out the door I was surprised, Isaiah was there waiting for me.

– Good morning, I hope you don’t mind me walking with you to work, am I interrupting your routine? – He shrugged.

– Not at all – I smiled and started to walk with him.

Since I wasn’t used to having company my mind was wondering about what I had to do.

-Am I bothering you Christine? – He said worried.

-No, I’m sorry I’m just not used to have company and I’m thinking about what I have to do today – I said apologetically.

-I have things to do today too, but I can’t let my thoughts distract me from my surroundings, what kind of photographer would I be if I couldn’t look at my possible masterpiece right?­ – He said.

I started to be interested in what Isaiah had to say, he made a good point and made me think about what I had been doing all this time with my routines.

-What has been you most beautiful picture? – I asked.

-I would have to take you to the place I took it, then you would see why the picture turned out beautiful- He specified.

– Good, well I hope you have a good day, I’ll see you at lunch. – I waved and went on with my day.

Lunch time wasn’t my normal lunch time, Isaiah asked for lunch to go, we weren’t going to stay, he had plans.

-I ordered lunch to go, if you have plans we could just go back. – He said.

-Don’t worry, what are your plans? – I asked, somehow I was excited.

-Just lunch and a walk, what do you say?- He asked.

– Let’s go – I smiled.

After that everything I did differently in my day had Isaiah written all over it, I had so much fun , productive and happy all because I decided to give this great guy a chance to spice up my life.

One day I decided to skip work, I called in sick and went out for a run, I couldn’t stop once I started, I felt liberated,  and soon I was covered in sweat so I sat down for a rest, I was wheezing.

-Hey there! What are you doing here, aren’t you supposed to be working?-

The voice sounded so familiar, the sun was in my eyes and I couldn’t get a glimpse of the person talking to me, the person started coming closer and closer. To my surprise it was Isaiah wearing his camera, I never thought I would see him work; he always seemed to have a lot of free time.

-I wanted to run away…- I said unconsciously.  – I wanted to run for a while… – I corrected heavily breathing.

-And skip work…- He added.

-Yes…- I giggled.

-How does it feel? …- He asked.

-To run?-

-To do something different- He continued.


It was more than that really, I felt like my body took over my mind, like a dog without a leash.

-Are you okay? You just went away for a moment- He asked.

-I’m fine, I want to go home now, I feel tired. If I had known I would be this tired I wouldn’t have done it- I ranted. –I’m not used to sharing my thoughts and I know I sounded rude.-

-So you don’t like to share parts of you. You hide your feelings. – He inferred.

-It’s not like I decide to hide, I never speak to anyone beyond work and food, I’ve learned to keep it simple- I explained.

Suddenly I felt weak, the next thing I knew I was lying flat on the pavement.

-Christine! Can you hear me? Are you okay?-

Isaiah seemed so far away, I was trying to tell him I was okay, that I could hear him but everything went black.

I woke up in bed, my head was still spinning, he was by my side reading one of my books, I wanted to get up but I couldn’t and I was too weak to speak, I kept thinking of what made me act like this, I had no control. – I swear I will never do that again.- I said loudly.

-How are you feeling? – Asked Isaiah. – The doctor said you made too much effort when you ran that you suffer a heat stroke. –  He added.

I just stared, I was too weak to object or scandalize over what had happened.

-Go ahead and rest, I’ll stay here and take care of you until you’re better. –

I just nodded, the fact that I have known Isaiah for only a few days had no meaning or the fact that he was nice enough to stay and take care of me, I just wanted to sleep.

I woke up feeling better, Isaiah wasn’t by my side, I thought he went home so I stood up and took a shower, when I came out my bed was made, and there he was again, Isaiah, with a tray of breakfast waiting.

-Please sit down, enjoy your breakfast, I already called you in sick, everything’s okay. – He said in the most calming voice.

-You shouldn’t have, I feel perfectly fine, I’m ready to get back to my routine, I thank you for taking care of me. – I said in a vexed tone.

-I’m sorry Christine, the doctor said you should take a few days off; I have the prescription here if you want to check for yourself. –

I shoved away the beautifully arranged breakfast tray. – I don’t need to rest! … And most of all, I don’t need your kindness! I don’t know how I let you get in my life like this so quickly, I barely know you and my whole lifestyle changed, I was fine with my routine, I was fine before I met you, like I said before, I appreciate your attentions, but I barely know you. – I sighed and just like that I realized what I was about to do and it was too late to take it back. – Please leave, I don’t want to see you anymore.-

-I’m sorry… – Isaiah said. He left and I still remember his face, I was so disappointed in myself, I hurt him and all I wanted to do after that was to take it all back and apologize, the rest of the day went slowly, the hours passed punishing me with every tick of the clock, I wanted to get out and look for him but in all this time I knew him I never knew where he lived, but even if I found him in the city, how could I face him, I acted like a child again but this time I really messed up.


I woke up as usual, I had my coffee,  had my last sip of coffee and took a shower, but I didn’t feel like walking to work, I feared I might bump in to Isaiah, what would I say? But I had to walk anyway, I kept looking out for him as if somehow a random stranger would appear magically with his face and body, I thought I would see him like that time at the diner, I would apologize and everything would be good again, but he wasn’t anywhere, I went to order my food and looked around, nothing. I got back to work, everyone in the office kindly asked if I felt better, some had sent me flowers. –Thank you all – I said kindly, I concentrated as much as I could, but I couldn’t help the thoughts that came to my head, the what if’s.

At lunch time I went to the park where I used to hang out with him, but he wasn’t there either. There was one alternative to my searched.

-Excuse me, I’m looking for a photographer named Isaiah…- I went to the building next to my work place and asked for him.

-I’m sorry miss, there’s no one of that name that works here do you have a last name?- The receptionist asked.

-I’m sorry, I must have confused the address, thank you. – I left.

Could he have lied to me? Where should I look now? I went home at last and in my doorstep there was a package. Addressed to me from Japan, I went in and proceeded to open the box, it was small and very light in weight, Inside there were those annoying foam balls and underneath there was this small piece of origami, a flower made from a very beautiful pink paper, it was gorgeous. I kept looking in the box to see if there was a note but I couldn’t find anything, I only had the address but not the name of the sender.

-This is too much for one day… – I thought. – I’ll sleep for now. –

That night I had a dream, I was walking on a path surrounded by trees, I could tell it was spring because of the colors of the flowers and there were petals dancing all around, suddenly I heard him, he repeated something he said when I met him. – I can’t let my thoughts distract me from my surroundings, what kind of photographer would I be if I couldn’t look at my possible masterpiece right? – His voice seemed distant. -I would have to take you to the place I took it, then you would see why the picture turned out beautiful- And then all of the flowers turned in to pieces of origami like the one I got earlier in the evening, after that I saw flashing lights and as I turned to look for the origin of the lights one of them flashed and startled me, it woke me up just in time to wake up for work, the dream stuck in my head. And then it hit me, Isaiah sent me the flower with the address because he remembers me and wants me to go wherever he is, I looked up the address on the computer and there it was… – Yokohama, Japan. –  He wanted to show me the place of his masterpiece. Doubt struck me, but this was my opportunity to get right by him, if I don’t go I may never see him again and I won’t be able to apologize, furthermore, I won’t be able to see what he wanted to show me.

And so I felt something I’ve never felt before, a rush going through my body, I loved him; I guess it was love, I once read that love makes you do stupid things like running off to find the special person in your life, but then I stopped again. –What if I’m wrong?- I questioned my choice to go after him, was it going to be like I expected it? What if I came back alone afterwards? What’s going to happen to me? I saw the origami again. – This is the right thing to do, whatever the outcome I will still have this adventure to remember –

I called my job and told them I had an emergency, bought a plane ticket to Yokohama and prayed I could find Isaiah.

I never found him, instead I found myself, I stayed as long as I could, the first days were hard because I kept thinking of all the wasted time, the second week of my stay it came to me like a bucket of cold water, Isaiah made me get out of my comfort zone, get rid of my fears, and yet I was still looking for him fearing I would never find him. I decided to stop my search and begun to understand why I came all this way, I will always be thankful for this girt.

Untill this day, the origami flower hangs on my wall as a reminder. Will I ever meet Isaiah again? I have no idea.