Disturbung the peace?

18 May

Recently I’ve found in God what I need to live a peaceful life, I’ve been going to church and I’ve met new friends…

I used to be a very “open” person, my actions where very liberal sexualy speaking, I didn’t care less if the guy had a girlfriend or anything, I just wanted to satisfy my needs. When I came back in to the arms of God I realized a lot of things, I learned how to control my impulses and to care more about myself, I hadn’t found it so hard, but that was because I wasn’t being tested; tested in a sense that I haven’t been with anyone after my last “relationship”.

I met a guy in church who immediately caught my attention, I had to control myself from trying to obtain something from him xD so, the days pased and I dreamt of him, it went like this; I was somewhere with him, he tries to kiss me but I push him away, now seconds later I grab him a kiss him twice!, I wake up with a huge question mark in front. I wondered if the dream was really my uncouncious being who wanted him badly, or if it was just because I had been stopping myself from trying and maybe get him to like me, anyway, he has a girlfriend and when I found out about it I felt relieved because I didn’t have to try anything at all! πŸ˜€

Yesterday… Oh! Yesterday!…. I felt like the world crumbled before my eyes, My parent’s weren’t home and this guy gave me a ride after hanging out in the house of another friend, when we got home he stayed to talk with me, we talked about what I do for a living and so on, he wanted me to dance with him after a while… I didn’t want to dance so he got out of his car and pulled me out (I thought he wanted to leave for a secondthere) and hugged me! I was stunned, the he started to move like dancing and I said no… he kept holding me tight even though I wanted to leave :S I felt starnge and confused, so I asked him, “why so affectionate?” and he said “you caught my attention” and I immediately started to get nervous! the he kissed me! And I liked it! I really wanted hiΒ  so bad! And so many times i’ve been withholding my feelings that when that happened I felt liberated, but then I rememberedΒ “HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND!” adn then my real struggle began.

This guy Β didn’t want to let go, and the more I pushed and pulled the more he held tight, and the more time I spent in his arms the more I liked it! Finally a car that seemed to come towards my house help me liberate my body from his arms, I kind of ran towards my door andΒ took out my keys, he ran behing me and said “wait! don’t leave, I’m sorry… it’s just that I can’t help myself” and I felt like floating! xD I mean this guy really wanted me so bad!? Well I accepted his apology, but he kept apologizing! I didn’t get it… well after that he said that he didn’t want our friendship to become weird, even though it already was… GIVE ME A BREAK! wh..what!! no way!!… that’s when I felt angry, not just because he wanted me to act like nothing happenedΒ also because of the fact that every guy that “wants” me has a girlfreind, I hate that!! I want a good relationship a stable one not just a one night stand, I’m running away from that, and now it’s haunting me again.

Finnaly he said after we kissed for the last time “I won’t stop wanting you” and he took off. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! But it’s not over, the next day I had to see him, surprisingly I managed to pull it off and look normal, like he said, but inside, I longed to kiss him again.

That’s my sad, sad, story.

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