Starting over

27 Jun
Funny how people think or say or pretend that what they say to you is useful, sometimes the blow was to hard for you to take and the best thing a person might say is, “look at the bright side!”. Tell me how can you look at the bright side of something that has no sides, something like feelings or trying to have someone interested in you and turns out that the person wasn’t interested… first of all it’s embarrassing for me just to think that I opened up to someone and that AGAIN, he’s taken, “of course, why would it be any other way?”, to be honest this time I had no idea it would turn out this way (I’m sorry if you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m just ranting)… I had hopes that this time it would be different, like for the first time I would be lucky enough to feel love for someone and the other person would be free for me to take… HA HA, not! God has been good to me always, he must be laughing right now… it must be a joke, a bad joke he’s playing, why again? Why? it’s THE SAME THING, over and over, over and over, when will my loneliness end? What must I learn this time? WHAT?… I don’t get it, am I this type of person destined to be alone? destined to watch while other mate and end up with their significant other? am I?, who knows, unless God happens to have mercy on me and comes down and explains what’s going on in my life, but it ain’t gonna happen!, what must I learn? what is it? what?! (8) Please send me somebody, can anybody find me… somebody to love (8) I need the voice of God to speak to me, I need him to be with me, I need God more than ever, “Could you come down please?”… I want to disappear from here for a while, I want to walk, I might as well go to sleep, walking might not be suitable, I don’t know, if I sleep I can forget for a few hours my displeasure and my shame. One might think that showing feelings is nothing to be ashamed about but it is to some point, why should I convince someone to love me? Who am I to choose the right words, and to paint a picture so that I can trap the other person, why should I lie about what I feel? why can’t I be straightforward with my feelings? I don’t have a strategy, I just go with the flow, this is what I feel, here… is it that heavy to hold? Could that person be as week as to not being able to bare such weight? Are my feelings so heavy? Maybe they are, which means that the person who chooses to bare the wight is the person for me. Yup, I get it now, hahaha, I knew it, I don’t even have to change a bit of what I do, you see it’s simple, “if you can’t bear the weight, don’t bother” if he can’t handle it he’s not worth it. Yeah I’m building my ego… no, not my ego, my self confidence, I might be wrong, but who’s to say?
NaNiSh gUeRReRo

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