Being jelous

16 Aug

This is no good, I actually feel like my heart rots everytime I feel jelous… the selfishness, the feeling of loosing something (that is not yours ofcourse) it’s al wrong!!! Why do I feel so attached? I hate it, yet I embrace it… I wish I could distinguish jelousy from love… they are NOT the same.

There is a point when I realize that since I know how you are in someway, that you get bored so easily and wonder off to find adventure that I’ve tried and at somepoint keep trying to capture your attention, so that maybe you would just stay with me … AND IT’S SO HARD!!!! You have me under a spell, I can’t break from it!!

I should just runaway from you, get away from you… if I could just cut off my self binding chains that cling…. you read that? CLING… now I’m just clingy, I don’t want that (but I do), I really really want you.

Jelousy is not good, it’s bad, really really bad for me… and yet I’m still there, am I wasting my time? Do tell. 

My self destructive, mind bending thoughts about what I do with myself and what you do to me is getting mixed up, you could easily say it’s not you, but is it really me? Ah! you’re having so much fun!

Get this, if I haven’t left is because I won’t go, my bait is still there in the water waiting for you to bite it so I can have you as my prize, what’s next? I don’t know, take a good guess.

I’m done…


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