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This Is Scary

3 Oct

OK.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1… I’m going to start writing again, it’s scary because it has been so long since I’ve done it, I’m afraid of not being relevant, viral, interesting… Why should I write anyway? Does the world need more writers? I guess so, but me? I used to thrive and now I feel afraid of not being read, what I mean is this; I want people to read what I write and have an effect in them, kind of like I used to, way back in college. Now that I’m doing it again I just want to start by letting my mind go, and not think about anything but what I’m thinking. Does it make any sense? I guess.

The last thing I wrote that came out of my head was a poem about a banana, I loved it, I liked what I felt when I wrote it, You know what else I wrote? A short story, it took 2 years to be finished, butΒ  I did it, I think this time I’m going to continue with whatever is in my head, no projects, no deadlines, just me and my head.

I like to think that writing keeps me sane, I feel liberated by writing this… My head hurts because I’m overthinking right now, I want to say the right words but I can’t, I want to be interesting and keep you reading and asking for more. I think I might get better later on, I’m jut blabbering right now, going over a lot of things at the same time, looking at the pile of dishes in the sink going “I really have to get up and do something”, it’s like I really don’t have time for everything, I might do a schedule (schedule is a pretty word, don’t you think?) because I want to keep practicing, I also want to practice my hand lettering! I told myself that I would do the inktober version of hand lettering, it’s day 3 and I haven’t done anything about it. I’m a joke…

And this is it, the day that I started to write again.

 

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Is this a joke?

20 Jun

Kids, this is how I met your dad. My story would begin like that, I would happily remember the day I met him, tell my children of how against all odds I married my best friend… but I guess now I have to rethink that story, people change, I will say. Change is good, even if it’s for the wrong reason, apparently my purpose in life is to make people realize what they really want, of course it doesn’t include me, I’m just the path that leads, like I said, people change but not love, people are deceitful, love is the same. I chose to love and I don’t regret it at all, the problem is I couldn’t slow down, next thing I know there is no one on my path, it’s as if I opened a freeway and somehow made two or three exits along the way, I never noticed I was alone. It hurts to know that I’m difficult to catch up with, that as soon as I pick up the pace another is slowing down and looking for the exit. I wish I could go back and slow down but I can’t, I’m too far away now, love is still with me but not the person, ouch! What do I do with it? It burns. I will tell them how people say they love when in fact what they do is fill up an emptiness but not love in reality, I am sure about the fact that love comes from God, and that if I have God in my heart I will always have love, unconditional love. I will say that in my long walk through life I encountered an awful truth about people, they never know what they want even if they have it staring them in the face, they will turn from it and keep looking because they don’t know what it is. How can I have the certainty of what I want? And know that it stared me in the face once and I grabbed it with both hands, felt it and embraced it. I still know what I want and if it stares me in the face I will grab it again, and yes I will run because that’s what I do, I run and build, because I build out of love not out of circumstance or out of a person who is prone to leave. I will tell them not to confuse the actions of people with the meaning of love, actions have consequences but not love, actions hurt people, love doesn’t, so be careful and remember what I say. You my children are the result of love and the will to keep loving. Even if while I’m writing this believing that the day will never come, and that he will never come back to me, he is way behind me in this road, he stopped along the way. He changed.

My first short story

4 Apr

Five years ago I began a project, I thought it was going to be a piece of cake but it turned out to be a big challenge. Writing fiction to me at the time seemed easy, I just had to imagine things about people and write them down in the form of narrative and dialogue, I learned quickly that I was making a big mistake.

I began writing on a notebook, it was a story of a girl that had lost her father and was going through depression, I have even drew pictures of the different key points of the story, after a few pages I stopped, I realized that the thing I was writing about had no significance for me. I got my first writers block.

Since it was a project someone asked me to participate in, I felt pressure to come up with something immediately, I made some research so that this time I could write about the right reasons, to make the right story. At the time I was in 4th semester of university, and I had to write about other things, essays and research papers, I had no time to focus on my short story and so I ranted on my blog about it, I was trying too hard. One of the comments I received was that I had to give the project time to develop, that I shouldn’t worry about it, I took the advice and gave my brain time to come up with a meaningful story.

I wrote my short story in a period of 5 years, I think I gave it enough right? It came to me in 3 chunks, I wrote a good 3 pages and then stopped, gave it time, mind my own business and then another chunk, and so went on. When I finished I felt accomplished and relieved that it was finally over, I changed a few stuff for the final draft but it came out a masterpiece… To me at least, and to my boyfriend 💜 ( because he loves me he can’t give me a good critique :P) I sent it to the wonderful journalist abroad and now I wait for her verdict.

What’s wonderful about this in my viewpoint is that I completed a project for the first time, and I want to continue on more writing projects, I want to know where this is going to take me.

I’m not going to go in to the inner process of writing a short story, I learned that each one has a process, I’m just sharing mine.